A few years back, I had a child tell me that he wanted to feel worth the effort. I asked what he meant and he meant and he articulated himself very well. He said no one at his house would ever listen to him read. 

This was hard on him because the school asked that they read out loud at least three times a week, just for a few minutes a day. This activity was intended to build confidence, oral speaking skills, and reading comprehension. Not a particularly hard activity, and yes, it could be seen as inconveniencing . . . but how hard is it to listen to your child read for five minutes? 

The discussion carried on with how he would get anything he wanted—all he had to do was throw a fit or pout and, poof! Whatever he wanted was his. He described how he could eat or go to bed whenever he wanted to, and rules/boundaries were almost non-existent. He described how his parents were always busy and on the go, yet when they would get upset with him, they would yell and scream at him in front of whoever was there. That would make him angry because he was so embarrassed that it would start a vicious cycle of throwing a fit and then receiving something in order to make him happy. 

The young man described a friend’s house and how his friend and the parents were always laughing and talking.  He described how he had started taking his private thoughts, concerns and worries to his friend’s parents because they made him feel special, important, and in his words “worth the effort”. 

He finally raised his head, and with downcast eyes, told me, “I want to be worth the effort to my own parents.” 

Kids need us to be there and we demonstrate that with our words and our actions. We may have a day where we can’t talk coherently at the end of the day and that’s okay. If we are consistent with them and live by those boundaries of love, structure, respect, and consistency, they know they are going to be okay and they are “worth the effort.”

A couple of years after this child shared the above with me; I found a book entitled Dear Mom and Dad – Simple Lessons on Love and Life from Your Child.  It is an excellent book and gives wonderful insight to children and what they need to feel worth the effort. 

                                                                             - Kimber Bennett

                                                                               School Counselor